King Mulgrew Summons Sir LeRoy

They discuss things of Royal Import, like Medicare Advantage

An irritated King Mulgrew sits upon his 14th floor Throne, awaiting Sir LeRoy, his most trusted and faithful Unity advisor. Elections have gone awry. Disloyalty festers over the Unity Kingdom. He, King Mulgrew has relocated many he deemed suspicious. Some, like Sir David of Kazansky, have been exiled to the Kingdom of AFT. Others, like Lady Amy, have been sent to count blackbirds baked in pies. Despite these measures, the King is still riddled with vexations.

Where have they gone wrong, he wonders. How have these interlopers invaded his kingdom? He will have answers, or he will have heads! AFT shall no longer suffice! Said heads will be in classrooms, facing 34 kids at a time and the Dreaded Danielson Observations. Banishment! Go ye hence and make ends meet on some DOE salary, like the commoners!

“What tidings do you bring, Good Sir LeRoy?”

“The interlopers have arrived, King Mulgrew. We’ve sequestered them on the 17th floor. Alas, they are consorting with Unity Royalty on that very floor, Your Highness. They are talking”

“Talking, Sir LeRoy? Are our people talking back to them?”

“Yes, I’m afraid they are, Sire. The interlopers have become a veritable Trojan Horse.”

“Trojan makes all sizes, Sir LeRoy. You need not be a horse.”

“No, of course not, Your Highness. What I mean is they’ve conclusively infiltrated our castle.”

“This is unacceptable, Sir LeRoy. We must remove them post haste. Can we not relocate their office to, say, Perth Amboy?”

“No, Highness. Alas, we must needs post them in an office, and our Royal Authority does not extend to New Jersey. Outer borough offices house Unity Royals as well, and the fact is, the interlopers can talk to any of them. And there’s worse news, Your Highness.”

“Tell me at once, Sir LeRoy!”

“They’re determined to commence meetings in a fortnight, and they shall recruit reckless barbarians to speak to the commoners.”

“Barbarians of what stripe, Sir LeRoy?”

“It’s come to my attention that they desire to showcase the wretched harridan, Marianne Pizzitola, Sire.”

“Hmmm…She vexes me so. Is she of the Staten Island Pizzitolas. Sir LeRoy?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know, Highness. I shall get the wizards on it without delay. Our wizards have determined, however, that her mother was a UFT teacher.”

“Zounds! Can she be drawn to our side, Good Sir LeRoy? Have you tried to turn her?”

“Alas. all attempts have proven for naught, Sire. Despite our best efforts, all she desires only to preserve Medicare for the retirees. Commoners are filling her coffers with gold, in blatant defiance of your Will, usurping funds that could otherwise be spent in the UFT Swag Store. Our Court Fools created brilliant memes about RTC consorting with her on the Royal Facebook, but alas, our humor is too sophisticated for commoners. Even the Fools are vexed!”

“Confound it all! Have I not decreed that I oppose the Advantage plans? Have I not ensured that all Unity Royalty earns enough gold to pay for real Medicare with a Medigap plan? Have I not ensured non-Medicare Royalty can pay for tiered care?”

“You have, Highness, but alas, the commoners doubt your Word. They are demanding to retain the care they now have. They further claim you need to file amicus briefs with the courts, and that you need to make sure both state and city legislatures pass measures against their enrollment in Medicare Advantage.”

“So, the upstart commoners persist in questioning my Divine Word, Sir LeRoy?”

“I’m afraid they do, Sire.”

“Was it not necessary to sell out those treacherous retirees to secure contracts for rank-and-file commoners from Good Emperor Eric?”

“It was, Sire. You decreed it was so.”

“And what of the oath-signers? Are they remaining loyal?”

“They are, as far as we know, Sire. None of them appear disloyal. Of course, the ballot is private, and we have no way to compel them to vote the Right Way.”

“Can we not simply abolish the elections, Sir LeRoy, by Royal Decree? Do you not recall, in years gone by, that our Revered Predecessors saw to it the high school teachers could no longer elect an outsider as Vice President?”

“Yes, Sire. We arranged for all members vote to on all vice presidential positions, and thus those confounded high school teachers were perpetually stuck with whomever we decreed. However, our wizards forecast the commoners will revolt altogether if we simply cancel elections. The Head Wizard prophesizes the bootless and unhorsed shall revolt with torches and pitchforks, and further demand to eat cake in our Beloved Royal Cafeteria on the 3rd floor.”

“Cursed be that last election. Our once faithful retirees have defied and deserted us, Sir LeRoy. Have we not made them aware the inferior Advantage plan raises gold for the coffers of Good Emperor Eric? Have you rallied the loyal crowd?”

“We have, Sire. We’ve bought Retired Unity Royals t-shirts proclaiming their loyalty. We’ve commanded them to wear them at all times, even during Royal Slumber. And yet, the fopdoodle lowlife common pillock Chapter Leader Bennett Fischer musters the unmitigated audacity to insist that commoner retirees be given the ability to vote at meetings, even if said votes violate your Divine Will.”

“Vote? The retirees? But they are disloyal, Sir LeRoy!”

“Yes, Sire. We are aware. Good Sir Thomas of Murphy made certain there was no voting for several years, but alas, he’s ceded all his power and lands to the cursed interlopers from Retiree Advocate. It was in our power only to keep poor Sir Thomas on payroll.”

“Thank goodness for that but confound it all, Sir LeRoy! Can we not exile the RTC bastards to the Tower?”

“Alas, Sire, we do not have a Tower. We have only 50 and 52 Broadway.”

“Can we not build a dungeon?”

“I shall look into it, sire.”

“See that you do, Sir LeRoy. See that you do.”

Thanks to Daniel A. for the graphic.