The Creme Brûlée Caucus

A New Song

A reader sent me the lyrics below. They’re in response to my piece How Unity Bought Me Off. The reader doesn’t wish to be identified. He wrote, “I need discretion since Unity is quite present and vocal in my district.” It’s more than a little disappointing that people feel that way about leadership.

This is the way we might speak of bosses, not union leaders. Union leaders should be around to help and support us. We ought not to fear them, let alone the consequences of criticizing them. I don’t.

But the United Federation of Teachers is not an activist union, and has not been one for some time. This, perhaps, is our greatest flaw. Most of us seem to see the union as some thing that resides at 52 Broadway. Lots of us don’t feel part of something. In fact, I’ve met Unity folks who seemed to regard the UFT as something they owned.

That said, we need to empower ourselves, along with brothers and sisters. I recall a member complaining to me about something or other, and I said, “Yeah, when that happened to me, I did _________.” Honestly I don’t recall what happened, or what I did.

What I distinctly recall is the member’s reply, “Well, yeah, you can do that.”

And I could. But so could he, if he weren’t so afraid. Predatory supervisors smell fear and pounce. If we don’t stand up for our rights, well, we haven’t got any. Some schools can’t even find anyone to be chapter leader.

Yet when they do, sometimes their values are less than ideal, as the following song suggests.

Now the composer says these lyrics are meant to be sung to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean. I read it and thought Oh Tanenbaum. What tune would you put these lyrics to?

The Creme Brûlée Caucus

Oh Unity, you’ve wooed me well,

With stories and desserts to sell.

A dance, a feast, a lavish stay,

And crunchy-topped creme brûlée!

—

I came to learn, to advocate,

But found myself in a fancier state.

With crab cakes crisp and wine in hand,

I joined the Unity-branded band.

—

“Just vote as told,” they kindly said,

“We’ll keep your conferences well-fed.

Aloha! Hawaii might be next!

Now sign right here, no need for text.”

—

My classroom? Chaos, chalk, and grime,

But here, I sip on sparkling wine.

No kids to chase, no grades to mark,

Just fancy food and conference larks.

—

The health plans hike? The pay too low?

The madness down in the workroom flow?

Fear not, for creme brûlée prevails—

Its sugar crust smooths all travails.

—

But as I sit in this plush chair,

And hear complaints fill up the air,

I wonder if this crusty top

Is worth the truths we tend to drop.

—

So here I am, torn in the fray,

Caught ‘tween my job and brûlée’s sway.

But hey, my friend, I’ll vote “yes” still—

For creme brûlée, I’ve lost my will.